After spending a long time abroad it’s like you suddenly see your home country for real.

1. Children playing with dildos on television

Yup, living in Slovakia I just can’t imagine small children playing with dildos on televison at 8 pm. A bunch of children are seated in front of a dildo and they try to figure out what it is. One small girl holds it against her cheek and guesses it’s for massages. I just can’t imagine this in Slovakia and am still wondering if it’s a bad thing or a good thing to see kids play with dildos. It’s probably a bad thing.

2. Belgian drivers are waaaaaay nicer than Slovak drivers

There’s no comparison. In Belgium I feel safe outside, in Slovakia I do not and it’s because of traffic. Slovak drivers are the loudest proof that people in Slovakia are, well, full of repressed aggression that only seems to show itself from the imaginary safety of a car….

3. There are no beautiful women to be seen

We have mentioned this too many times before to delve deeper into this. Totally average looking women become sex symbols around here. When you are used to Slovakia this becomes farcical.

4. Belgian food is just better

It’s also greasier and unhealthier, but fuck it, it just tastes better. And there is way more variety in restaurants.

Except the soups. Slovak soups rock.

5. Flemish magazines and Flemish television make me feel like I am a guy without a home country, without a culture that I am a part of

They are so bad. So bad… The articles are about nothing. The programmes are lame and usually just a celebration of human stupidity. Like really, Flemish televion revolves around letting dumb people or children or failed beauty queens talk… We have about 40 celebrities and they are on tv all the fucking time. At the end of the year journalists asks them what were the most important trends of the year and they answer that their cat died or that they got engaged for the seventh time.

It’s no better in Slovakia, but Slovaks look up to western countries, so you come to expect more of a western country when you spend a lot of time in the west. For no good reason. Except for kids with dildos the media offer pretty much the same shit.

Flemish culture? What is it? Greasy food and not taking anything seriously?

Am embarrased to be Flemish. Especially when I look at our music, our television, our magazines, our retarded way of speaking (everything is either ‘super’ or ‘delightful’), the fake happiness in all media shows, the lack of real cynicism in the media.

This nation must be wealthy because we stole everything in Congo.

And we have an educated population, especially the younger generiations, that somehow managed to stay entirely unaware of what is going on in the world, has no historical perspective, doesn’t care about anything except their job and hedonism and at the same time thinks it’s better and more enlightened than anyone on this planet.

Belgian people are very, very lucky, very lucky. Past generations robbed Africa blind, slaved away in factories and present day generations can eat themselves to death. You see far more obese people here than in Slovakia. 

Such a wealthy country, materially, and such spiritual emptiness.