We were in a long-distance relationship for three years. Here are some easy tactics to make the longing bearable. This post is dedicated to Lenka, a Slovak lady who is currently in a long-distance relationship.
- Whenever you say goodbye make sure you already know when you will see each other again This is a very important one. After spending time together and then having to part again, don’t say goodbye without already knowing when you will see each other again. Otherwise the parting will be so much harder and at times feels almost like death.
- When you are together your priorities should be sex and doing memorable things together, use the time together to the max
I don’t think we need to explain how important sex is to the longevity of a couple. You will likely go at it like hyperactive bunnies. Get it out of your system. It’s going to be a long wait otherwise. Apart from that build memorable experiences. See being in a long distance relationship as an excuse to do crazy things when you are together - Communicate daily
Text each other all the time basically. Let each other know where you are, what you are doing, what you’re thinking about, make this a habit, be in touch. - Explore cybersex, it sucks, but it’s almost a necessary evil
Without going into details. Get creative. Play long-distance sexual games together… You can get very creative here. You can come with all sorts of arousing games. It’s not the same as actual, physical sex, but it helps.
- Send each other physical mail, not email, but letters, postcards, packages, you still find way to surprise each other
Do not limit yourself to digital exchanges. Receiving something in material form for your partner will make your day. Send gifts, letters, have something delivered… Keep surprising each other.
- Accept that it’s tough. Brace for extra painful moments, like attending parties alone or sitting home alone 1,000 miles away while the other is at some big, fun event
It can be depressing to have to go to yet an other social event without your partner. It can be just as depressing to sit at home or be studying or working while you know your partner is at party half a world away. Be prepared for moments like this… And stay in touch. - Kill jealousy by talking things through
This might be the time to agree that kissing or sleeping with someone else in a long distance relationship isn’t quite the same as in a regular relationship. It’s quite possible you will have to be more forgiving, more tolerant than you would usually be. When you will be finally be together in one place you can readjust the tolerance level. It’s going to be hard, there is no way around it. - Build strong rituals and habits together Get rituals, find a funny, unique way to greet each other in the morning. Read each other a story at night. Watch a movie together, even when you are not in the same room together. Never go to sleep without contacting each other. Send each other pictures and videos. Make sure the two of you have your own habits and rituals together even though you are not physically together.
- Spend the time apart planning for when you will be back together
There’s an advantage to everything. Couples who live together every day tend to forget to plan ahead and organize fun things to do together. When you are far apart for weeks you have almost no choice but to plan for something big. Plan carefully and create something fun. My wife and I organized a lot of social events back then. - If you can survive this mess you can survive anything
If you are willing to do this, go through the pain of a long-distance relationship it must be that it’s worth it. So keep in mind that if you can get through this everthing that follows later when you will finally be together will be a breeze, a walk in the park, and your communication skills should be better than other couples, you got a lot of practice overcoming obstacles together.
- Bonus: Meet each other half way
My wife and I often met in Prague. It’s not exactly half way between Bratislava and Brussels, but it saved time. To go from Brussels to Prague took about 12 hours, to go all the way to Bratislava took 18 hours. My wife is from Banska Bystrica and to meet her there took me even longer than 18 hours. So Prague was a better solution for us, we would just meet there and shack up in a hostel for a couple of days. I got very exhausted from all the travelling and the constant need to plan and get free days and from being in hotels, but at least we tried to make it bearable.
This is why I selected this shot from the movie ‘Like Crazy’ for this article. You see the couple travelling, staring at each other, exhausted. Thinking: You better be fucking worth all this hassle.
In our case it was.
1. Yes, this was priority before for us, even got claimed, but was harder to set common time after, not sure why exactly, we have really complicated vacation timing. Can someone explain me, why slovaks have way less vacation then other european states? 😦
2. I totally agree, in all points of this actually. If couple has even common interests, then memorable events are easily to find
3. Also true, with so much ways you can keep in touch now. I wonder how were those relations between for example soldiers and their girlfriends when existed just letters?
4. I agree, but not all are for this, some have some block in them, simply cant speak about it, while being evils in reality. I dont understand it actually. But I am not asking why.
5. I would love this honestly, and I was doing it in previous relation too. Was so nice, but well, men are weird in this. I am more then sure, even in this case it would end like disappointment for me, exactly like before. I admire you William in this, you actually did it.
6. With this I am fine honestly, trust must be. But other part is, people cant be also like – ok go, enjoy. This is little bit cold attitude, always show interest about what kind of party is that, whos going be there.
7. Sorry – no. This is not acceptable for me. I swear I could turn into dewil if this would happen.
8. Oh, I am all about habbits, rituals, love them. But once again, not all are like that, some people are spontaneous and feeling with chains if something should be like this. Cant force to someone my perspective of that. But ye, this would definitely help.
9. Important, doing this 🙂
10. We will see.
11. Oh thats great tip William, thanks, we might ask later for some tips about Prague.
Generally, you are right about everything except of point 7. Somehow now I feel sad after reading it. But being strong and tolerant is I guess alfa and omega of relations like this.
Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a very, very detailed response!
LikeLike
Crossfingers for Lenka! I spent 7 years of my life in 2 long-distance relationships (5.5+1.5 years) and I think this list is spot on, except the number 7. 😀 Here I have a similar view like Lenus. Even though it might be a pragmatic approach, in reality it would be very difficult for me to be so tolerant. LDRs are tough, mine didn’t work out but the distance was not the only factor. I know couples who made it work. Now they live in the same place though.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Number 7 must be the Belgian approach, I really think we don’t take monogamy as serious as other people. I remember people saying that they would understand it if their partner slept with someone else in the context of a LDR’s, but to Slovak women this idea is pure horror in any context. I find that nothing shocks them as much as sexual infidelity. I don’t know how we survived for that long. I think we are really just meant to be and -almost, almost, almost- exactly right for each other. Can I ask where he was from? And yes, go Lenka! 🙂
LikeLike
I had 2 long-distance boyfriends. Not at the same time though. 😀 One of them was living in London but both were originally from post-socialist European countries. So actually, I have never dated a Westerner. 🙂
It’s true that infidelity is a taboo in Slovakia and is perceived negatively. I am not sure if it’s a virtue though. Perhaps Belgians are simply more honest about it. Because even though Slovaks are shocked by infidelity, many of them still have affairs while in a relationship. As for me, I appreciate that open relationship may work for some people. I just don’t have an experience with it and knowing myself, I am not sure it would work for me. So I guess it’s individual.
In any case, it’s great that you and your wife made it through 3 years of long-distance dating. My hat’s off to you! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
My wife has corrected me, it was four years, not three. I was in an open relationship before I got together with my wife. The open relationship worked fine and was great, it lasted for three years, we lived together from day 1, and were a good match in many ways, but we broke up because her parents sent me death threats and were actively trying to get me murdered. Had nothing to do with the open relationship though. They were Iranian and their daughter was only allowed to date a doctor or a rich guy… My wife and I are in a sort of open relationship. Let’s say I tell her everything and she’s tolerant of my behavior if I don’t drive it too far.
LikeLike
Wow, that’s quite a story! 😀
LikeLike
Craziest time of my life. Her parents did all kinds of crazy things. Her mum even locked her up and bit her. Our relationship only survived for as long as it did because we were so in love, when we were alone we had a lot of fun
LikeLike
Amazing. 😀 Cross-cultural relationships always make for a good story. I am grateful for that experience.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wouldnt go cross cultural relation, and never other race relation. Especially as woman, this could be difficult after some time. Men have always feeling from those other races, they are something more, while not being even that educated as woman.
Anyway, number 7 shocked me a bit. I am more then sure, that would be end of relation faster then explanation would come from other side. This is still too much for slovaks I think. Maybe because slovak women (most) cant imagine to sleep with someone else as her partner?
For this is needed mega mega tolerance. This is not my first LDR neither, but always depends on persons.
LikeLike
In my experience Belgian women make less of a problem of infidelity and maybe they also sleep with someone else more easily when they are in a relationship. At least that has been my experienced. I know that for Slovak women it’s ‘anathema’, to use a beautiful word. I’m lucky that Zuzi is more Belgian than Slovak in this. And you are totally right, I can’t imagine a relationship with a Slovak girl and, let’s say, a guy from Iraq going right…
LikeLike