We were in a long-distance relationship for three years. Here are some easy tactics to make the longing bearable. This post is dedicated to Lenka, a Slovak lady who is currently in a long-distance relationship.
- Whenever you say goodbye make sure you already know when you will see each other again This is a very important one. After spending time together and then having to part again, don’t say goodbye without already knowing when you will see each other again. Otherwise the parting will be so much harder and at times feels almost like death.
- When you are together your priorities should be sex and doing memorable things together, use the time together to the max
I don’t think we need to explain how important sex is to the longevity of a couple. You will likely go at it like hyperactive bunnies. Get it out of your system. It’s going to be a long wait otherwise. Apart from that build memorable experiences. See being in a long distance relationship as an excuse to do crazy things when you are together
- Communicate daily
Text each other all the time basically. Let each other know where you are, what you are doing, what you’re thinking about, make this a habit, be in touch.
- Explore cybersex, it sucks, but it’s almost a necessary evil
Without going into details. Get creative. Play long-distance sexual games together… You can get very creative here. You can come with all sorts of arousing games. It’s not the same as actual, physical sex, but it helps.
- Send each other physical mail, not email, but letters, postcards, packages, you still find way to surprise each other
Do not limit yourself to digital exchanges. Receiving something in material form for your partner will make your day. Send gifts, letters, have something delivered… Keep surprising each other.
- Accept that it’s tough. Brace for extra painful moments, like attending parties alone or sitting home alone 1,000 miles away while the other is at some big, fun event
It can be depressing to have to go to yet an other social event without your partner. It can be just as depressing to sit at home or be studying or working while you know your partner is at party half a world away. Be prepared for moments like this… And stay in touch.
- Kill jealousy by talking things through
This might be the time to agree that kissing or sleeping with someone else in a long distance relationship isn’t quite the same as in a regular relationship. It’s quite possible you will have to be more forgiving, more tolerant than you would usually be. When you will be finally be together in one place you can readjust the tolerance level. It’s going to be hard, there is no way around it.
- Build strong rituals and habits together Get rituals, find a funny, unique way to greet each other in the morning. Read each other a story at night. Watch a movie together, even when you are not in the same room together. Never go to sleep without contacting each other. Send each other pictures and videos. Make sure the two of you have your own habits and rituals together even though you are not physically together.
- Spend the time apart planning for when you will be back together
There’s an advantage to everything. Couples who live together every day tend to forget to plan ahead and organize fun things to do together. When you are far apart for weeks you have almost no choice but to plan for something big. Plan carefully and create something fun. My wife and I organized a lot of social events back then.
- If you can survive this mess you can survive anything
If you are willing to do this, go through the pain of a long-distance relationship it must be that it’s worth it. So keep in mind that if you can get through this everthing that follows later when you will finally be together will be a breeze, a walk in the park, and your communication skills should be better than other couples, you got a lot of practice overcoming obstacles together.
- Bonus: Meet each other half way
My wife and I often met in Prague. It’s not exactly half way between Bratislava and Brussels, but it saved time. To go from Brussels to Prague took about 12 hours, to go all the way to Bratislava took 18 hours. My wife is from Banska Bystrica and to meet her there took me even longer than 18 hours. So Prague was a better solution for us, we would just meet there and shack up in a hostel for a couple of days. I got very exhausted from all the travelling and the constant need to plan and get free days and from being in hotels, but at least we tried to make it bearable.
This is why I selected this shot from the movie ‘Like Crazy’ for this article. You see the couple travelling, staring at each other, exhausted. Thinking: You better be fucking worth all this hassle.
In our case it was.