On Tuesdays and Thursdays I teach a lawyer, a university professor of Civil Law.
Today I took a huge map of the US with me and asked if I could talk about the American Civil War.
We talked for over 60 minutes. He listened intently and asked pertinent questions. He concluded that it was a pity that most people in Europe have never heard of these events.
What keeps surprising me however is how immersed I can get into something.
It’s not sex, it’s not the same feeling as when I sink away in a woman’s beauty, the game of inching closer to her, seeing her defenses drop, getting the back and forth of flirtation going, etc, but it does put fire in my belly.
I understand where my passion for women comes from, that’s a no brainer.
I do not understand where my passion for history, languages, economics, politics, literature, etc, etc, etc, comes from. My earliest memories are connected to Napoleon’s invasion of Russia and following a group of Italian tourists around to try understand at least some words of what they were chattering about.
I suppose I got the passion from my father. You could say that my love for these topics is an expression of my love for my father. Perhaps all are passions can be traced back to the love we have for a person connected to the topics we are passionate about. Perhaps all passion for anything at all can be traced back to love.
If you want to go deeper into this I am also sure that as a small child I thought that I could save my family from poverty by knowing a hell of a lot, by knowing more than anyone.
Knowledge by itself doesn’t do that, but as a child I thought that lots and lots of factual knowledge would lead to money, status, a bright future for my family. And it totally impressed adults.
Most of it, I realized later, has no practical use. Other than teaching it to others the monetary value of it is fairly non-existent, unless I could write a bestseller on one of those topics.
The immaterial benefits of being passionate, of being sucked into something, is that you can escape the monster that is every day life.
Like crawling into a cave and see the giant monster walk right past you.
I own about 150 books on the American Civil War alone. I’ve read about 100.
The topic is always with me.
When I feel particularly down I can think of some situation a general got into. It’s also why I am able to teach English. I have the Civil War to thank for that.
In the morning I listened to a 90 minute talk by an economist on taxes. I was very sceptical about what he was saying, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I can’t tell you why though. I’m not an economist. No matter how much I read and think about the economy nobody is going to take my ideas on this topic seriously. I don’t have the right degree. All I know is that it drives away the all encompassing feeling of boredom I so easily experience.
A big downside is that I’m absorbed by so many things that I find it hard to stick to one topic or even one voice when I’m writing.
The biggest benefit is that it’s a door I can open and walk into. Today someone was willing to spend an hour with me in that room. That doesn’t happen so often. Most of the time I’m alone in this room.
I remember that in the worst periods of my life I could still take a book on some topic most people find ridiculously boring and useless and I could dull the pain. It worked way better than alcohol.
At the same time I feel like for long stretches of my life I wasn’t living. I was hiding from life in books.
Like when I was a teenager a good friend, perhaps my best, would come to my house and ask me to go to a concert. I don’t understand how he managed to keep asking because I always said no. He would stop by, we would talk about the war in Vietnam or buddhism or something like that and he would go to the concert, hook up with girls, and I would stay home. On some nights I watched certain romantic movies or war movies again and again to feel something, to make up for not experiencing much first hand.
And I still do it. I work. But you could say my work is a hobby I get paid for. I hardly experience it as work. It’s just the administrative part of the travelling aspect that exhausts me. I could do my job for 16 hours non-stop every day if I would never have to travel or do any administration. Aside from that I absorb facts. I don’t see myself as particularly intelligent. Far from it. I’m just a sponge for facts and languages and I happen to have an unusual amount of empathy. Which works out fine as a teacher, therapist and to some extent as a writer. But that’s all I am. I don’t do anything else.
It’s kinda ridiculous, but it’s all I am.
It’s like in that opening song of the series ‘The Affair’.
I have to be the wave that I am and sink back into the ocean.
what does this have to do with saving your parents?
Sent from my iPhone Janice
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Absolutely everything. I think you may have missed the point. As a child I thought I’d be able to life my parents out of poverty if I would just study all sorts of facts like a madman
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ok
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Oh I would love to have so much books about american civil war. Sadly I have just 3, reason is like, I love to read it as complex, like being somewhere up in sky and watch all that mess under, on each combat front, each corner. Would really like to talk with someone about it ^^ Also I really like american revolutionary book. I often think, how american coast looked back in 18 century. Full of wild forests, animals, rivers.
On title, as childs we have various imaginations. Mostly extremly naive and positive about life, protected by parents everything is so easy. But when real life coming later in adults, its nothing as we dreamed.
I think passion for various stuff is very individual. Of course if your father lead you to this, it huge influece but once you wouldnt like it, you simply wouldnt be into it.
I read a lot books – this passion I ve got from my mother who was literally book nerd. But on other side, liking history, languages and like sporting I didnt get from any of my parents. It simply came. Weird life game, isnt it?
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What? You have books about the American Civil War??? Let’s meet then! How on earth did you get interested in this topic? It’s not very common, to say the least, especially in Europe, especially in Slovakia… Yes, life certainly is weird…
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It can sound funy, but when i was like 12, I ve read Gone with wind book, little harder reading for small girl, but it absolutely got me. Is it me, or you also imagine this colonial culture, huge houses with many pillars in front and those oaks alleys? Then suddenly war came and life of comfortable south got slowly destroyed. Honestly i was fan of north, well they were right, but that magic of south was just epic. So ye, this started my passion for american history. Then i ve read one of my most favorite books from Cooper, Last of mohycans and Revolutionary war was also breathtaking story. Sorry, when it comes on books im crazy 🙂 slovaks arent into history generally, and if yes, usually oriented on russian history. That i like too, until certain point in time.
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Ye sure haha, next month I fly to Belgium, come to airport, got plenty of time to talk about american civil war 😁
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Yes, I have also read Gone with the wind, I’ve seen the movie several times, it’s exactly what fascinates me about it, this entire society was suddenly wiped away, brought to financial ruin, and they had themselves to blame for it… it’s like watching the Titanic, same dynamic.
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Ok, let’s do this. When are you flying? And won’t you be in stress from travelling? There’s a very good book on the Civil War in Czech, it’s called zeme krvi zbrocena
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I fly after 20th of oct, i let you know via email, hope you can be available, or maybe when i come back 😊😉 yes im nervous but not from travelling but from Belgium itself. Its still EU but different to bones. And you cant buy there Sedita cookies 🙄😔 anyway thanks for book tip, i saw this book already, needed it two years ago for my essay in Uni about american civil war, but couldnt get it, sadly sold out. I also tried different portals to buy used one but ntg. Gona try few libraries in other cities. 😉
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Can I read your essay? Yes, but you can buy côte d’or chocolate everywhere. Have never tried Sedita cookies. What makes you like them so much? And what makes you nervous in Belgium?
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I will try to make it. The only possible problem is that I might be teaching or I might be in Banska Bystrica. How long will you be in Belgium? I will be there in the first week of November
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Oh flying back in beggining of november, approximately week there. Im weird person, relying on habbits, routines, traditions… Easily getting anxiety. Hard to explain. So always fear from smtg new. Sedita is epic, you should feel ashamed now you didnt try it yet. Its one of the last companies from old socialistic times, they still using original recipes, using quality ingredients and not that tones of sugar as its CZ rival opavia. You need try venceky and kakaove rezy and horalky omg. Be slovak 😊
Sure, i will upload it somewhere and link you or bring to airport if meet.
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Ok, then I’ve tried them. I just don’t remember they are called Sedita. I don’t like cookies so much, but horalky are fine. What are some of your strongest habits?
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Did you ever watched serial Monk? Im not that crazy as him, but kind of cleaning freak, do not touch handles in public places, drinking from my only bottle, eating from same bowl at home, yes pink ikea bowl, taking antibacterial tissues with me, using same brands and generally i cant really handle changes. Im trying to stay calm, but its hard. As i said weird. I love horalky, but sadly im alergic on peanuts 🤔.
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Whenever I touch something ‘foreign’ -the worst are busses and trains and trams- I will not eat or touch my face before carefully washing my hands. I hate public toilets or toilets in bars. Am mainly afraid of catching a cold, which I absolutely abhor, as a cold messes me up real bad and I can’t take days off from work
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Oh i forgot my absolutely hysteria when i see someone grabbing food with hands from bowl which is for all people and there is like spoon next to it 😡 isnt this good theme for another article? I can write even book about this 🙂 btw, into which part of Belgium you go?
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I will be in Aalst, a city between Gent and Brussels. Would be nice to meet you there!
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Ohh seems we wouldnt be that far from each other, i checked it now and its like 55km. Sadly i cant go there for longer now, because of work vacation of me and my partner. Maybe next time.
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This is an example of your wonderful Slovak attitude. 55 km is a long distance for Belgians. I’ve met Belgians who think being 40 kms apart qualifies as a long distance relationship! Well, maybe we can meet up at the airport. I promise not to steal any of your food. And if you agree we can agree not to give each other the two obligatory kisses. I find it unbelievably awkward to kiss people outside of a sexual relationship. Except for my mum of course. Even weirder is that Belgians from the south like to kiss guys as well! At a certain point it became a trend among my friends in Flanders as well. I had mixed feelings about it…
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Really there guys kissing each other? You made my day now. 😊 Its fine, I am usually satisfied with polite hand shake, of course in woman’s version. Oh you would wana steal my food, trust me. Im going to bake to belgium various snacks, do you know those salt pagaciky? Also bringing there bryndza 😊
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Hmm, pagacicky are not my favorite, neither is bryndza, I’m very picky when it comes to food and usually eat the same things almost every day. I’m a culinary barbarian…. yes, they kiss on the cheek, it’s very common in southern Belgium
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So what you eat, actually im really interested. You switched to slovak food, or keeping some belgian foods?
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I switched to Slovak food, it’s impossible to eat the same dishes as in
Belgium, I simply can’t find the products I normally cook with. I must say the quality of my food has deteriorated a lot. And am too lazy to do anything about it…
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