A theory:

Suppose Slovak ground is shitty ground. Suppose that you throw human seeds in that ground. Most of those seeds will grow into defensive, survival oriented entities. They will not blossom, as the resources to do so are limited, they will grab what they can get merely to sustain life, not to grow into colorful flowers.

But some do blossom, some bear fruit. Imagine what those had to overcome to come to fruition, to make it. Wouldn’t you assume that those are truly outstanding people, unique, special, extraordinarily resilient?

This theory explains why on the one hand I meet Slovak men who are the most ludicrous forms of male stereotypes.

I asked one those to describe his perfect day:

‘Sex, pizza, cars’

To be specific he said: ‘waiting for pizza’

To be more specific, he said the sex would take only 5 minutes.

I asked if he thought his girlfriend was satisfied with that. He said yes.

On several occasions he’s felt the need to tell me he has a huge penis…

He’s a nice guy. From time to time he asks a good question about English grammar. Other than he is a human being who’s entirely detached from the experience we’ve had as a species. To know something about the period of hyperinflation in Weimar Germany enriches you as a person. It makes you more part of the human experience. That’s just one spontaneous example.

Do not ever ask him about any of that.

He’s managed to reduce the whole range of human evolution, culture, knowledge, pursuits, passions to:

His gravely amputated version of sex.



And since I have a lot of sympathy for him and want to be fair: pertinent questions on basic English grammar.

On the other hand, I also met The Genius. A Slovak guy who is registered in my phone as The Genius. My wife only knows him as The Genius, because when I talk about him I refer to him only by this sobriquet (=nickname).

What a contrast!!!!!

He reads complicated books on economics, needs ten minutes to memorize a long list of tricky English slang and when he fucks a woman he does it so thorough it takes hours and the woman bombards him with tons of hearts and other digital affection via messages. As the true sign of an accomplished gentleman: he never ever brags about his accomplishments. He also doesn’t consider himself to be a genius. Compared to most Slovak guys he certainly is. He has no problems grasping sort of complicated economic theories and models and their potential effects or roadblocks. During a conversation you feel like you’ve heard a new perspective. He’s also got lots of self-insight and is critical of himself. At work he is in a vital position, yet he is not power hungry, he’s all for efficiency, he does not get off on bossing people around. If you ask me what a man should be like, then this is definitely the right direction.

I know several other Slovak guys like him, but at the same time I meet an abundance, of, am sorry, cheerful nitwits.

What I appreciate is that in Slovakia I have never met malignant nitwits. They are good natured nitwits. They are nice. They are friendly. They’re just limited. Some hobby. Some food. Ejaculating (you can hardly call it sex). Some drinks.

Life as a cat, but with a full time job in some company.

When they do not learn something new, it’s because they are too proud to admit they don’t know. When you try to explain something they claim they already know. ‘Of course I know’, ‘jasne ze som to pochopil, jasne’, ‘uz chapem, uz chapem’

But they don’t know.

Very different are the women. They are quick to learn. Quick to improve. They have usually very little imagination and are DEADLY afraid of expressing themselves, of debating, of being creative with language, but they learn, they evolve, if pushed a lot of them break out of their shells.

We are often harsh on Slovak women on this site, but don’t get us wrong: they are the pillars of this country. They carry society, while the men pretend to be important. They arrange stuff behind the scenes, keep the house liveable, spend time with the kids, learn whatever they need to learn to get a job. There are few exceptions to this rule, perhaps Slovak women born in moneyed families are less tough, less adaptable, less resilient, but the others are often great at surviving, and dragging some guy, who can’t even satisfy their body, let alone her mind, with them.

Why are the men such cardboard figures? Because their father son relationships were virtually non existent. The cardboard father fathers a cardboard son.

Both men and women in our culture, not just in Slovakia, are raised by women, the fathers are often just have a cameo in the movie of childhood. For women this has severe consequences, but it’s far worse for men. At least the women learn how to be women from their mothers. Because they have underdevelopped fathers they will later in life fall for underdevelopped men, and they will end like their mothers, as the driving force behind a household, with kids and one extra kid in an adult male body.

This is the plight of Slovak women, to drag around Slovak men, getting very little in return.

If they are lucky they start a steamy affair with some guy who gives them the right attention.

I meet an almost shocking number of married women around here who are having an affair with some sex machine. You would never ever suspect this if you’d see them, because Slovak women, even when scantily dressed, always have an aura of the good Catholic schoolgirl.

The men seem to have gone to the hairdresser at Auschwitz, and took their atittudes from an American farm in a restrictive religious community in the 1880’s. Except that the plow has been replaced by a smartphone.

This post was written thanks to the incisive input of my sister-in-love Hanka Pištova.