I’m Belgian, and speak Dutch, and this is obviously just my opinion, and you can call me a self-hating Belgian for saying this:

• extremely well-organised, even better than Germans

• much more self-confident than Belgians

• they think they know languages, but they don’t, but they don’t care and convince others that their mistakes are actually correct. Great asset!

• loud and tall

• they seem to be obliged by law to always be cheerful and optimistic and enthusiastic about whatever they hear or see, whereas I think they often don’t give a shit, but on the surface: wildly enthusiastic and cheerful

• tulips are amazing and they produce the best ones

• very business oriented

• very liberal! I love that about them

• They are the nicest people in the Belgian city of Antwerp…

• MUCH funnier than Belgians

• they manage to express themselves so well

• you can meet some incredibly beautiful women in Holland, much more beautiful than Belgian women, for some weird reason

• most of their novels are about some guy waking up with a hangover and complaining with wry humor about life. I’ve stopped reading Dutch literature because I’m always afraid it’s going to be some lame remake of the once shocking ‘Ik Jan Cremer’ by raging narcissist Jan Cremer

• Oddly, their movies are worse than Flemish movies, somehow they feel less real

• Decent journalists

• Very irreverent, they take shocking the hell out of you as a moral crusade and I LOVE THIS ABOUT THEM

• There are weird differences between Dutch people in the north and Dutch people in the south, the ones in the north are a lot less fun

• They have a bible belt which matches the insanity of the US bible belt, but it’s less known

• great policies towards drugs, they’ve managed to make drugs so mundane that they’ve lost their appeal

• the most obnoxious thing to ever come out of the Netherlands is a kind of person called a ‘gabber’, which is a momma’s boy dressing like a gangster in the Bronx. They’re not called ‘gabbers’ anymore but they still exist

• very multicultural and somehow the cultural melting pot was a success in The Netherlands but a disaster in Belgium.

• Clearly they just do everything better in The Netherlands than in Belgium

• The only thing that’s perhaps better in Belgium is that in Belgium you can find a reasonable amount of people who will be refreshingly honest about how most of our human existence sucks, whereas Dutch people will almost certainly pretend to be super cheerful and will only tell you later how they’ve been seeing a therapist, a shrink and a reiki guru for the past 12 years. Everyone is in some form of therapy in the Netherlands

• You could get the idea that 50 percent of the Dutch population is a coach or a therapist and the other 50 percent depends on them for every possible choice in life, including which tooth paste to pick

Perhaps this illustrates my opinion best:

I run a school to teach Dutch in Slovakia, in our marketing we try our best to ONLY ever associate our school with the Netherlands and not with Flanders… We like having a growing student base.

They are more original with the use of Dutch, and come up with more new words than Flemish people. They may be more arrogant than Flemish people, but at the same time Flemish modesty is more an excuse to not stand out and to envy and hate succesful people, because it reminds them they should take more risks, which they are allergic too.

Hurray for Dutch people!

Last point: they are physically more attractive than Belgians, both the men and the women. Somehow they look healthier. Maybe it’s because they overeat less and drink all that milk…