Do, do, do.

I suck at customer service.

I know, because I tried it for three months. I daydream too much, am much more interested in really getting to know my colleagues and clients to focus on the details of an invoice. I feel like am violating myself when I spend time on an administrative task. They fired me after three months. I would have fired me after one month.

I suck at seducing girls in a crowded and loud club.

I know, because I have tried.

I can’t dance and I feel awkward. I need to be able to talk to women, or nothing will happen.

I know, because I’ve met all my girlfriends and my wife outside of clubs.

I suck at driving a car.

I know, because I’ve tried. People have told me that I would do about as much damage firing an AR-15 in a crowded place as by driving a car. I daydream too much to focus on the road.

I’m very creative, I know because all the ideas I constantly have make me suck at almost everything else.

After trying out many things, and many profession, I have come to accept that I’m only good at about three or four things:

  • I can really listen to people and find out the root causes of their issues
  • I can brainstorm ideas like a tornado on steroids
  • I can write
  • I’m excellent at putting people at ease in face to face conversations
  • Send me to any country and I’ll be fluent in the local language in about three to six months, depending on how different the language is from the ones I already speak

I consistently fuck up all administrative tasks, I freeze like a paralyzed penguin whenever I need to make a phone call, I’m too nice to charge real money for services, I am not interested in any practical stuff, I want to hear about your biggest traumas and hell, I can make you feel better about it.

Today I’m a therapist, translator and language teacher in Slovakia, where people give me lots of credit for fucking up things that are mundane and easy for most people, but hell for me, just because they think a foreigner can’t learn Slovak, especially not in one year of living here.

I have some exceptional strengths, which are balanced out completely by some MASSIVE shortcomings, if I didn’t have those shortcomings I would be rich today.

I’m not.

As a results my friends praise me almost daily for being o so smart, but I know better…

I’m like a race horse with no lungs.