I love running.

I’ve stopped running.

I’m lazy.

But to be honest that’s not the biggest reason.

The reason is this:

When I go out running to inhale the fresh exhaust fumes of the city, people yell at me.

Courageous hordes of drunk students, stand around, and they work up their plucky (a synonym for courageous) state of mind to yell stuff at one runner, of 4 cms below average height (in Slovakia at least, in Peru I’m a giant).

They yell:

  • hey, it’s Elvis
  • hey, look, it’s Bruce Lee
  • Oh, what a tough guy you are! (in the most annoying o so sarcastic voice they can do in their state of earth shattering courage)

This behavior is not limited to Primitivistan. The same happens in Belgium, but with a little less violence. Although in Belgium I remember ONE time in which students on bikes yelled something positive, non-mocking, namely ‘respect!’, I have been:

  • chased by drunk guys dressed up for Carnaval
  • cursed by ‘professional’ wanna be Peter Sagan cyclists
  • have a car follow me, the window rolled down, dance music turned up to the max and the female driver yelling ‘to the beat of the music!’
  • have a park full of drunk students whoop at me, until they noticed I was running 10 laps around the whole fucking damn park at 6 am in the morning, I took their sudden deafening silence as respect
  • have a large gathering of young people at a playground in my home town yell unintelligible stuff at me
  • heard ‘adult’ women comment on the sound my zipper made as I was running, in not very flattering way
  • have police officers ask me if I often go running at 4 am in the morning

Of course, you have to stand in frigging awe at the almost impossible amount of fearlessness these people show in doing this, not to mention the insane level of witty intelligence and fun loving prowess.

The result used to be that I only went running at very early times or very late, but even then people won’t leave you alone.

In my dream last night I was wandering further away from my home, into fields, over country roads, and I came across a huge tennis complex with a running track all around it. I couldn’t believe my luck and said to myself: ‘I can wake up early and come run here, all alone, nobody will be here in the morning.’ I was so happy.

Then I woke up.

The dream made me realize how much I need to run, and how much I want to run with no obnoxious humanoïds around. I mean, in the end, my only problems with this world is that A) it’s full of people B) it’s full of people that do not share my value system

TIP

If you are ever in a war, in a trench, ask the guy or woman next to you if he or she ever yells at lone runners. If the answer is yes, quickly go and find an other neighbour, because you don’t want any coward around when the going gets tough.

PS

I should move to Peru or Vietnam and be a giant

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