A post for the few people out there who don’t think sex outside a long term relationship is a crime against humanity.

A young woman writes on her Facebook page:

Dear men,

I turned down 2 offers of sex today. It was horrible. I love sex. The fact that I’ve mainly been sexually inactive for a year and a half, speaks very badly about what’s going on out there. Of course, like most women, I want pleasurable and preferably meaningful sex. Sex that makes me feel better and not worse.

So having worked with couples for over ten years, and men for one, plus being a man affectionado let me offer some tips:

If you would like to have casual sex…

1. Be up front about your desires. Let a woman make an informed choice.

2. Understand the experience of being penetrated. Try it! Know what it means to have someone inside your body.

3. Understand that expecting an orgasm without giving an orgasm is extremely one sided. With that being said, here is some science:

*Women take up to 45 minutes of foreplay to be ready for sex (especially with new partners.)

* It is estimated that 75% of women can not have vaginal orgasms and REQUIRE clitoral stimulation. It simply has to do with nerve placement in their anatomy and not their lack of wild abandon. Expect to include the clitoris as part of sex. And remember UP TO 45 MINUTES.

4. If you would like oral sex, learn how to give oral sex. A woman’s deep arousal will pull you in and grip you in much more erotic ways than a woman who is not ready for you.

5. If you would like to have casual sex, a little aftercare would often be appreciated. For example, a text saying how much you enjoyed her. I had a friend who would send thank you flowers. Remember, women do not get a high five for having more partners.

Porn is not a good resource for learning about female anatomy. It may offer a few tips here or there, but you would be better studying Tantra, watching instructional videos or taking a class. Here are the resources I gave the men I worked with:

1. Mantak Chia’s the Multi Orgasmic Man. (Yes, men can have multiple orgasms too. I’ve taught them how.)

2. https://www.omgyes.com/ This is an interactive online course for how to pleasure a woman. It has women showing you on their own bodies and you can trace over a vagina with your mouse to practice. I think I paid maybe $29 for it.

3. Want to invest some money and do a deeper level of work? I’ve heard great things from men about this program: http://www.authenticmanprogram.com/ A lot of sexual charge is created from your genuine presence…not just in your head, but your whole body.

4. There are plenty of Tantra courses out there! Have a look online for one locally or virtually.

5. If you are FB friend from Portland Oregon, check out this place: http://www.sheboptheshop.com/events Shebop regularly teaches classes in oral sex. I took one for both men and women.

Hope that helps! While I prefer monogamous and long terms relationships, I have watched men who are skilled in sex be passed around by my female friends. Yes, it absolutely happens! Remember, sex meant to be a mutual sharing of pleasure! Let’s get it back on track😊