• deep seated restlessness
  • the constant need to perform, to create something, to show some creativity, to try and be original through words, but also gifts, games, entertainment, remarks, paying attention to what people say and memorizing that
  • the constant drive to entertain people
  • the constant need to create a nice atmosphere, you could almost say, as the director of my environment
  • to be funny and to create an exciting atmosphere, you need to find the border between chaos and structure (thank you, Jordan Peterson for this insight), and that’s a risk, you risk going too far
  • I make jokes and therefore I risk insulting people, which sometimes happens, and it’s never my intent. If I want to insult people I cut them out of my life and on a very bad day I may do something nasty to them
  • excessive behavior. His friends are quoted in newspapers, in the wake of the scandal: ‘When he drinks, he drinks heavily, when he gets into sports, he starts training like mad (I used to get up at 5.30 to go and run 12 kilometers and do an insane push-up routine involving hundreds of push-ups in all kinds of different variations… now I don’t do anything anymore)
  • forgetting about praise, and only focussing on criticism
  • I find it hard to accept if somebody no longer wants to create stuff with me, or does not want to do this with the same frequency as I desire. Some of my friends make me ‘like I wanted more than I could steal’
  • Control freakishness to the third degree
  • Quite a lot of self-degradation
  • Sometimes saying this that -certainly in today’s climate- can be labeled as slightly inappropriate
  • He idealizes women and sort of pathologically repeats the trauma of being rejected by women. He also uses this as the drive behind his creativity. Being creative gets him attention from women and brings him in contact with women. He also idealizes women and wants to romantically put them on a piedestal. I wonder if in his case he actually wants to seduce these women, or just wants to admire them and be rejected. This is an important theme in his work. In his most famous movie there’s a character who causes the death of the woman who rejected him… He also takes revenge on the man who did get to sleep with her… This is not to imply that every person who writes a story about murder is a closet-case murderer, but I’m just saying it’s clear which themes he struggles with and how he seeks release and insight by creating stories and jokes about these topics
  • I play the underdog in plays, and I also usually portray myself as a suffering loser in stories and some blog posts, or in the novel I’m working on, this hides the fact that in reality I can be very dominant and controlling, just like this Bart De Pauw guy.  His need for control can be illustrated with these two examples: 1. When asked why he didn’t go to Hollywood, since he’s clearly talented, he said he preferred to work in Belgium, because: ‘I would rather be a big fish in a small pond than a small fish in a big pond.’ Ever wonder why I’m kinda comfortable in Slovakia? 2. When the television network kicked him out he himself tried to control the communication that followed by launching a YouTube video with his take on the matter. He was the first to make the news public.
  • In a way this is confronting, but there’s a bright side. One of the people who knows me best says I would never bombard a woman with HUNDREDS of pornographic smsses….
  • anyway, if you strive to be creative you are bound to hit some walls from time to time, I can remember lots of situations in which people demanded I revised or retracted something I had written. Often they opened my eyes and I did apologize and redo or retract what I had written. And sometimes I didn’t, because sometimes you hit a nerve, and it’s good to hit that nerve. But where the border exactly is? I suppose all depends on your intent and how the recipient of your messages interprets that and how the recipient outlines his or her expectations. If you speed through someone’s clear red light, you are in the wrong.