I’m Not OK, You’re OK
These are the ultimate victim. These are the people who you see in therapy most often. They blame themselves for things that go wrong, they prioritize other people’s needs over their own, they tend to martyr themselves, take on huge workloads, they often treat themselves very unfairly, steep themselves in harsh cricitism and heap praise on others or are envious of them. You could also call them neurotic. These people make life impossible for themselves.
I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK
These people rarely seek therapy. These people tend to isolate themselves. Since they are not ok, and you are not ok either, they are very reluctant to establish any kind of contact.
I’m OK, You’re Not OK
Hello, Donald Trump. These people think they are better than you. These people think they can use you. These people make life miserable for everyone else. You rarely see them in therapy, but it happens. Sometimes the justice department forces them to seek counseling (which is usually not a good ground for any succesful therapeutic intervention) or sometimes their wife or husband or children convince them to seek therapy. Or -and this is the most promising basis to work with these people in therapy- they seek therapy when they finally start noticing how destructive they are and how ultimately they are abandoned by all people around them, because they are so toxic. Or it finally dawns on them that something is off and that they are toxic in their relationshops.
I’m OK, You’re OK
These people are easy-going. If they seek therapy, it’s usually more a form of coaching they need and not long term therapy, they are ok, they feel ok in their skin and they are not afraid and have little problems to build friendships.
You can read more about it here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27m_OK_%E2%80%93_You%27re_OK
Of course, a person does not fit into the same category in every stage of his or her life. Some people are not even in the same category in the course of one day, they have such a volatile relationship to themselves and others, that they can go from ‘I’m ok, you’re ok’, to ‘I’m ok, you’re not ok’ and go to bed feeling ‘I’m not ok, you’re not ok’, depending on events during the day. This is of course very problematic and exhausting.
Which category do you feel you are in currently?