Enigmatic. Women are a walking parodox at times. Dating expert Dan Bacon points to 7 of these seemingly contradictory traits women have. And he nails it. What women do makes a lot of sense, if you get attuned to what they want. Easier to understand than to apply though…
1. They would rather miss out on being with you than have to lead you.
They will strew around hints to get you to ask them out, but don’t expect much initative from their side. What they are attracted to is masculinity, someone who knows what he wants, who does not overthink and who knows how to lead, without being pushy… It’s easy to confuse leading with being pushy. The key is to make her feel feminine, to let her relax, and to make her feel protected. None of that will happen, if she has to take charge of the whole flirting and dating process. She’s looking for someone stronger than she is. If she’s not attracted to you, then she perceives you as weak, which is something she’ll never say so, women are very diplomatic and don’t want to hurt your feelings.
2. They want to be approached, but behave as though they don’t.
Yes, they want to be approached, but by someone who has the courage to do so. So they put up a front that looks like the last thing they want you to do is approach them. But when you do, waw, you score points. Initially, she might act bitchy, but if you do it the right way -with confidence- she will become giggly and will seem to be melting, she goes from stiff body language to very relaxed body language.
If you lack confidence, work on that first and stay away from the dating scene, because you’ll just get your balls busted. As David Deangelo used to say: ‘Work on yourself first, and then go after the women’.
3. They say that they want a nice guy, but it isn’t what they really want.
As Matthew Hussey says, they want a nice guy with an edge. They want a nice guy who has some ‘bad boy’ charisma going on. A nice guy that lacks confidence, who doesn’t provoke a little, who does not lead, will stand no chance. If they can choose between a jerk who has confidence and make them feel feminine and a nice guy with no confidence who does not make them feel feminine, they will go for the jerk. This why so many women end up dating douchebags. They treat women like garbage, BUT their confidence makes them feel like real women, and that’s what they crave most of all. A nice guy who falls at their feet and makes the woman the center of his universe, can not provide that. They don’t want a guy who’ll do anything for them. They want a guy that makes them feel like real women, someone they want to be penetrated by. A nice guy who follow them around like a puppy? Huge turnoff…
4. They say that they want a good looking guy, but they date, have sex with and marry other men.
Again, it’s all about confidence and making them feel feminine. Good looks get you a foot in the door, but if you lack the confidence, she’ll slam it shut. If you don’t have good looks, but have solid confidence and make them feel feminine, you have a good chance that they will fall for you.
It’s not about looks, it’s about other traits.
Of course, women do care somewhat about looks, and it’s better if you have both, but it’s not crucial.
5. They say that they want a confident guy, but tease you if you behave too confidently.
They most certainly DO want a confident guy, but they want to test your mettle. They will poke fun at a confident guy, just to see if it’s real. If they can puncture holes in your confidence, if you offend easily, if they can make you insecure and defensive, they know you’re just faking it, and their attraction will shrivel.
6. They behave as though they are too beautiful for a guy like you, but they are insecure about their looks.
Almost all women are very insecure about their looks, even the hottest woman you know, is insecure about her looks. They need constant reassurance that they are beautiful. Don’t be too blown away by their looks. They all have something they don’t like about the way they look.
7. They pretend to be offended when a guy shows sexual interest, but they actually need it.
Most women are deadly afraid to be labelled as ‘sluts’, so they’ll do anything to defend their untarnished reputation as ‘good’ girls, especially if other people, and other women, are around to see her. In reality they love it when men show sexual interest, it very exciting to them and they crave it. It depends on the way it’s done of course, and which guys show sexual interest. The best way to approach a girl is to let your sexual interest show through immediately. It’s not only more honest, but -again, if you are a truly confident guy with a lifestyle you love- it will boost attraction manifold. Most guys try the ‘friends first approach’, and try to show what a nice guy they are, because they try to get to know her, and don’t make it about sex immediately, but this approach almost almost fails. Sure, you can get lucky sometimes, but you don’t want to be depending on luck, when there are clearly patterns to how attraction actually works.
It can be very difficult to, first of all, be a truly confident guy, and second of all to work with this contradictory behavior of women. It’s about confidence, showing your intentions immediately, making them feel feminine, teasing them, not trying to prove your ‘value’ to them, don’t try to sell yourself to them, adopting a ‘you are the prize, not she’ mentality, and staying down to earth, and not becoming arrogant (huge red flag, as it’s just the other side of the lack of confidence coin) in the process.
Also, don’t ask women what they are looking for in a guy, because they don’t know what they are looking for. They will describe a certain type of looks, and will probably say things like a guy who’s nice and treats them with respect, has a good job, etc. They don’t know what they are looking for in a guy, otherwise they wouldn’t fall for guys who often make them feel miserable, so don’t take dating advice from women.
Watch Dan Bacon’s video.