Sabaaaah Al Khair, which rhymes with the French word for flesh, which is what we’re going to melt right off of you and your kids today, this is Rachel Rache, your stairway to heaven, Gazans, and anyone we have an excuse to bomb into shopping bag size. Am a colonel in the IOF. So, now that some of you have googled how to say human flesh in French, let’s talk about today’s programme.
There will be mild bombing, growing more intense as the day pass passes. With a high pressure zone sweeping down from the north, and one building in the south and in the middle. Temperatures will drop, but not as fast as your body temperature. You can expect humidity, mostly from your kids splashing their blood all over you, along with other fluids which will be released once we puncture the meat sack that protects them in multiple places. We use very expensive technology to do this, so don’t whine that we don’t care about you!

For the first time in our real life Hunger Games we will award a trophy to the person who’s been displaced the most. Today it goes to Nour Al Houseini, originally from Beit Hanoun. She’s been displaced 21 times and has been without electricity for a year. Which is ironic, cause Nour means light. We suspect she’s been cheating a bit, because 21 is really a lot, but you rascals tend to cheat, like some of you are still in places where our bombs can’t reach, which is great, because we can pretend we are after the ones we can’t kill, so we have a reason to kill all the rest of y’all. Yup, yup, the rumors in the rubble corridors are true, we are going to whack all you all. Am from Texas, so all you all is like when you speak to a really big group, y’all is for smaller groups. Which kinda sounds like yella yella. As in yella, yella, all you all is gonna die.

I digress. Sorry, before I was promoted to colonel at the ripe age of 21 I was a bit of a poet on Tik Tok. So I have these linguistic reflexes, like ad hoc.

In more important news, it looks like Eye Ran is calm. The local sons of bitches pronounce it I- Raun, but am not good at making nasal sounds, am not Fran from the Nanny, even though I think she was jewish, right? What? You never watched that show? Anti-semites!

Well, howdy do dah, Eye Ran is not gonna run to save your hides. And that’s about all I’s got to say about that and all. Sorry, am doing my Forest Gump impersonation, but you Palestinians wouldn’t know about that. I mean, Lieutenant Dan lost both of his legs in that movie, so there is something you can relate to, but he was an adult when he lost them.

Important: my little eye sees you guys are now eating fish. We frown upon that. God put those fish in the water 6,000 years ago for us, not for you, greedy fellows. So if you don’t cut that fishing shit out real soon, we’re going to nuke all fish. Maybe even Tuna-aight. Hehe, that’s tonight. A little joke there. Come on, look on the bright side, it’s only a genocide. In America we always send our comedians to the war to crack everyone up. Even Robin Williams did it. He’s dead like you will be soon, so maybe you get to see him.

A few pointers and then we can end today’s Butcher Bulletin. Do not try to put out the flames consuming your little ones with water, or you dumb fucks, with olive oil, just throw a lot of sand on there. If it doesn’t work you will be half way done burying them, so it’s win win either way.
Mass suicide is allowed, but the Japanese may complain you are appropriating their culture. We are not strictly against it, but we do consider it a lack of courtesy. It’s like we would organize a huge Swedish buffet and you’d come and bring your own food. It’s just rude.

Speaking of Swedish, some of the stuff we use to kill you was manufactured in Sweden. A real Viking hello.

Am running out of space for this tweet, like you are running out of living space.

Hey, which movie am I quoting?

I love the smell of white phosphorus in the morning.

Have a lovely day,

Rachel Rache (Rara)