Goooood morning, happy campers in Vernichtungslager Gaza, sabah al khair, bonjour, gute morgen, dobre ranko, etc etc. This is a short bulletin from your Himmelfahrtsbegleiterin, Rachel Rache (Rara, pour les amis), IOF colonel, 21 years old. For those of you who have just seen their last sunrise and got their last hug from mummy, there are the following uplifting facts to consider:
If you are male and older than 12 you will be counted as a Hamas terrorist, so even though you never did anything, you will be treated as a veteran in heaven, a free gift from the generous Israeli government. If you are male, younger than 12 or female, then yes, your death as a human shield is a bit regrettable, but who decides to be born in a concentration camp? Be more picky next time! 

Showers. Well, don’t bother today. Where you are going different hygienic standards apply. And this is an updated Holocaust, we have streamlined the process a bit.

Pain. Yes, there will be pain, you will likely burn alive, but, this also means that with winter coming, those standing near will be warm, a service we provide for free.

True, your processing into ashes, will upset people watching daily life in the Vernichtungslager, Gaza, the most popular reality TV show on the planet, but do not worry, in the end they will go about their day, to their jobs and will buy stuff to comfort themselves.

Studies by our IOF think tank have shown that you marketing nitwits haven’t appreciated the potential of your holocaust yet. While you’re being burned and bombed you can apply for sponsors. With so many people watching you, you can from time to time pause and turn to the cameras and plug a product. We recommend lighters, barbecue sets, Nike shoes (‘Outrun bombs, wear Nike!’), Victoria’s secret (‘If IOF soldiers steal your lingerie make sure they look sultry!’), any diet products (you can claim it’s the pills that made you lose weight, not us starving you, and we will not tell on you, promise!).

Make the best of your last hours on this planet, let us know in the comments if we can do anything to make your exit more memorable and if you wish to sell your ashes to any of your western supporters you can buy urns on necklaces at our souvenir stores, which all IOF units in the field have set up for you.

Hey, live fast, die young,

More news tomorrow,

Rara