The ground invasion of Lebanon with Tova, Aviva, Shira, Noa, proud IDF sisters, plus poor little Ari

‘Our latest dance on Tik Tok got only 700 views’ says Shira, whose nickname within the unit is Shakira.

‘I told you, you ladies dressing up like Hamas and me like a poor Israeli woman, all of us dancing to ‘You shook me all night long’ by AC/DC wasn’t going to go viral. We should have gone with Stayin’ alive by the Bee Gees.’

‘It wasn’t the music’, sighs Shira. ‘People are offended cause Ari is wearing burgundy female underwear we found in them Palestinian houses they abandoned. They leave their erotic lingerie lying around all over the place, but we are the barbarians who don’t have any decency. Frigging anti-semites.’  

‘Yeah, they just abandoned their houses and fled. Talk of admitting guilt’ adds Ari.

‘Elon Musk is shadowbanning pro-Israeli content’, says Tova, as she is redoing her lipstick with the aid of a hand mirror.

‘I don’t think Elon Musk owns Tik Tok. Aren’t the Chinese or like the Japanese behind that?’, asks Aviva.

‘Yeah, doesn’t Tik Tok like literally mean influencer in Chinese or something? I read that somewhere. Or no, Nikki Haley said that in a debate against Obama’, says Noa.

‘Reading will give you wrinkles and I don’t get what the fuss was over Obama, damn traitor moved the embassy from Jerusalem to Tel Aviv’, responds Tova and then she bites down on a paper tissue to remove excess lipstick.

Ari says: ‘I am no fan of Obama, but he never moved the embassy. Nor did he ever debate Nikki Haley.’

‘Damn coward’, says Noa.

There is an explosion in the distance. All five drop to the ground.

‘Is that our side?’, asks Shira.

‘Our side being blown up or our side blowing them up?’, asks Ari.

‘Our side blowing something of them up, is what am asking’, replies Shira.

‘Hard to tell. Could also be a thunderstorm’, says Ari.

‘Hezbollah controls the weather now?’, asks Tova.

‘Check for a mushroom cloud. Maybe it’s the Iranians.’, says Aviva.

‘Tehran doesn’t have nuclear weapons, last time I checked’, says Ari.

‘And when was the last time you checked?’, asks Shira.

‘Now I gotta redo my hair’, says Tova.

‘I don’t think they have set up the showers yet’, says Ari. ‘Besides, our orders are to stay put and hold our position at all costs.’

‘We have been changing positions the whole day’, scoffs Tova.

‘No, we haven’t. We haven’t moved an inch. We have been on this little hill the whole day’, says Ari.

‘Dude, I have seen you standing around with your hands behind your back, then you were lying down in the grass, then you were walking around, pretending to be scouting for Hamas, but really looking at Shira, and now you are again lying down. You change positions faster than an Arab girl being raped in prison.’

‘Isn’t Ari gay?’, asks Aviva quietly.

‘I heard that’, says Ari. ‘And no, am not. And the main enemy here is Hezbollah, not Hamas, we’ve been transferred up north, remember?’

‘I liked it better in the south’, says Tova.

‘Why?’, asks Aviva.

‘I liked herding naked men onto trucks.’

‘I didn’t enjoy being shot at though’, says Ari.

‘But you liked the naked men?’, asks Shira.

‘Am really not gay!’

‘You’re so old-fashioned’, says Tova. ‘My boyfriend is bisexual.’

‘He is?’, asks Noa, who until now was day dreaming about her favorite Lebanese restaurant back home in Paris.

‘So you can have threesomes with other guys then. Lucky you.’, says Shira.

‘Oh no, he is disgusted by men. He just likes it when I fuck him with a strap-on’, says Tova.

‘Then he isn’t bisexual’, says Ari.

‘Well, you would know, being gay and all’, says Shira.

‘Am not gay! I’ve just been accused of checking you out!’

‘I thought that you were envious of her make-up, honestly’, explains Tova.

More explosions.

They all crawl under their military vehicle. A small Armoured Personnel Carrier. One of the older models.

‘Shouldn’t we go all go inside the vehicle?’, asks Ari.

‘Oh, you would like that wouldn’t you? You pervert’, yells Aviva.

‘For God’s sake. Am I gay or am I lusting after you? Make up your minds!’

‘You’re one of those insecure guys pretending to be gay, so you can get really intimate with a woman and then convince her she is so special she made you ungay’, says Shira.

‘You mean hetero or straight’, says Ari.

‘Yes, ungay, Mr Expert on Gay Slang’, responds Shira.

‘That’s not slang!’, yells Ari.

‘Do you think they will ever let us do any fighting?’, asks Noa.

‘What are we doing now, you think? We are holding our position under intense enemy bombardment’, says Shira.

‘Could be our side firing’, says Tova.

‘Do you think they will put naked men in our care here too?’, asks Aviva.

‘Depends on how many doctors, journalists and male nurses they can capture this time. Maybe Hezbollah hides them better than Hamas. Hamas just put them in hospitals’, says Ari.

‘Yeah, you’d expect more of a challenge from a fierce terror group’, says Shira.

‘So what’s it like, pegging your boyfriend with a strap-on?’, asks Noa.

More explosions.

‘That could really be aimed at us, I think’, says Ari.

‘What if our side is mistaking us for Hezbollah fighters?’, asks Aviva.

‘Don’t call them fighters! Terrorists, they are terrorists!’, yells Ari.

‘You mean we are funding Hezbollah too??’, asks Tova. ‘I have long lost the plot here. I mean, what a mess, what a mess. More of a mess than my hair right now.’

‘Nobody is funding Hezbollah!’, screams Ari.

‘Iran is funding Hezbollah’, says Shari.

‘Well, yes, of course, but we aren’t’, says Ari.

‘Who are we funding then?’, asks Aviva.

‘Who cares? Can we focus on our mission here?’, groans Ari.

‘Hey, kettle, you are black. I have just seen you change position again. You rolled over, Ari. I have just literally seen you do it’, says Tova.

‘Oh, dear God, I wish I could just go back to running my wine bar in Frankfurt’, sighs Ari.

‘A wine bar? Gay!’, yells Tova.

‘Am not the one fucking my boyfriend with a strap-on!’, retorts Ari.

‘That’s not much of a come-back is it though, Ari?’

‘Whatever.’

The incoming strikes keep hitting closer.

‘I do think that is aimed at us’, says Noa.

‘Maybe we should shoot back’, offers Shira.

‘Or you could all dangle strap-ons at them. Am sure Muslim fighters would immediately be scared off at the sight of that’, says Ari.

‘They are terrorists!’, yell all the girls at once.

‘And that was a very homophobic remark, Ari’, says Shira.

Ari gets up and says he is climbing into the vehicle.

Tova yells: ‘You are the most insubordinate IDF soldier in the field! You have changed position again!’

From inside the vehicle they hear him yell: ‘That is not what holding your position means!’

‘Is he right?’, asks Aviva.

‘Who cares what he thinks? He’s a frustrated gay stuck with four hot boss women like us’, says Shira.

‘And then insulting Tova‘s boyfriend by saying he’s not even bi-sexual.’

‘He’s just jealous.’

Their vehicle starts shooting. It’s one of the machine guns on the sides.

After a few minutes of that they hear Ari yell again:

‘Sorry, wrong button!’

Shira yells back: ‘You like playing with sticks, not buttons!’

At that moment all five are killed by friendly fire. Shira misinterpreted her orders and drove into position on the wrong hill. It’s an Israeli F-35 that takes them out.

Officially they die in combat.

Posthumously they are all awarded medals for their bravery under fire.

The only thing retrieved intact is Tova’s back-pack.

Her parents never guess what the silicone item inside really is. They will to their graves thinking it’s some sort of baton to beat prisoners with. They treat it with the utmost respect and always keep it in the middle of the dinner table. A token of their daughter’s courageous sacrifice.