I started out with the intention of making this a serious list, but that intention derailed fast. I have seen too much insanity these past few days to not use some sarcasm as balm. Seriously, the extreme suffering I have seen captured on video coming out of Gaza has shaken me to the core.

Still, I hope the following ‘rules’ resonate with folks who like me have observed the world plunge further into madness recently.

1. Don’t believe anything unless Haaretz prints it and even then be sceptical

2. While it’s good to look at the entire history of this issue it’s absolutely imperative to do whatever it takes to stop the killing NOW, TODAY. Historical discussions are important but not the priority when people are being blown to pieces

3. The US elite supports Israel and nothing will ever change their mind, because ultimately this is about money, about oil, about controlling the middle east. The US doesn’t care about people dying. If it can defend its interest by condemning violence it will do so (Putin bad!!!) and if it can defend its interest by not condemning war crimes it will do so as well (We love Saudi-Arabia and Israel always has the right to defend itself against unarmed women and kids)

4. Both sides lie some of the time, but only one side gets to spread its lies via the world’s mainstream media

5. The majority of people on both sides want peace. There are some maniacs on both sides calling for the total extermination of the other side, but only the psycho maniacs on one side get hugged by creepy uncle Joe Biden. Technically not something to be envious about.

6. When you don’t have an airforce you are a terrorist organisation. When you have tanks, jets, etc you are an army and then you can use violence whichever way you want. Words matter a great deal and nothing shows that better than the way this conflict is talked about and framed.

7. Sending a crappy home made rocket into Israel is terrorism, dropping some of the heaviest conventional bombs available on a densely populated refugee camp is a ‘strike’

8. Palestinians die, Israelis get killed, neutral people dying because of Israeli bombs are ‘lost’

9. Palestinians die in mysterious ‘blasts’, Israelis get attacked by savage terrorists

10. Hamas cheats by not standing in a meadow, all 40,000 of them, and not letting Israel bomb them. These sneaky devils hide when Israel kindly requests them to stay where the bombs are falling. No wonder Hamas and Israel do not play any sports games against each other. The probability of cheating is just too high. Plans for the Dead Kids Soccer League have been shelved. The Hamas team will not be allowed to tunnel its way to the Israeli goalkeeper.

11. Israel hasn’t done a thing for the US, but it’s their ‘greatest ally’

12. Other Arab countries don’t want to give a home to millions of Palestinians and the US doesn’t want to solve this conflict by donating Montana to Israelis

13. Determining who started this whole mess and who has more blood on their hands is vastly more urgent and more important than finally getting a peace deal that works.

14. The Israeli side will vigorously use female sex symbols to get you to accept slaughtering innocents (see picture below) Doesn’t seem to work too well…

15. The only person I have ever seen being nice to Hamas is one of the hostages that shook hands with them

16. This conflict has left me so shaken to the core – seriously now – that eventually my system produces dark humor to kinda cope with some of the most soul shattering images I have ever seen

17. I need a break from all this carnage. Can you imagine how desperately in need of a break the people in Gaza are?

If there is anything you can do to stop this cycle of death then do it.

PS I chose this pic of Woody Allen, because his facial expression is how am feeling right about now.