Right now anything that mattered to me before has diminised in value. Your well-being takes precedence over everything.

For the first time in my life I have nightmares where bad things happen to babies. I have become extremely sensitive when it comes to stories of human suffering that involves children. Before you were born I could easily listen to the most gruesome details about torture, war, mutilation, genocide, etc. Stuff so harrowing that your mother begged me to switch it off. When I heard other people say they couldn’t read a particular book because it concerned something violent related to children I considered them to be wimps.

I think I grew up with the strange conviction that simply KNOWING about the atrocities humans were capable of were a way to stop those atrocities from ever happening again. I still think we HAVE TO know about the most important and most cataclysmic examples of human wrongdoing. I also have come to see how taking all that stuff in cut me up inside. All those stories have left their mark. For a long time I assumed I could take it. I was proud of being able to stomach the most brutal imagery. I remember making a classmate cry when I showed the whole class pictures of the holocaust when we were eleven. You can ask why the class teacher, the only adult in the room, would allow that, but I guess things were kinda different back then.

Your mum calls me overprotective, since am constantly worried about your safety. I am also extremely on edge when it comes to anyone not being perfectly nice to you. I have already registered some very mild acts of agression towards you by people close to us FOREVER. Yup, the tiniest disagreable gesture or act towards you will definitely get a person blacklisted.

Are these normal reactions? I don’t know. Your mother says it’s amazing how much I love you. She says we have to plan a brother or sister for you so I can spread my love around a little bit.

Almost nothing can make me smile a genuine smile, but pictures of you always can. You’re my guy, my dude, my Brunko.

My biggest priority in life is to see you reach adulthood in optimal health, both physically and mentally.

Until you were born the most amazing sight I had ever seen in this world was that of some exquisite woman and I never thought anything could ever top that, but you do.

PS

The featured image depicts a scene from one of my favorite movies, About Time.

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